Red Rag Top......

It’s amazing the things that we remember in life.  Why does one moment in time stick with us so much more than others.  I still remember her name.....I still remember his name.  My roommate and her boyfriend from when I was younger.  She had gotten pregnant and decided to have an abortion.  Another girl and myself went off on our self righteous tangent about how we would never do such a thing. 

This morning in the car (where I have all my life changing thoughts LOL ) a song by Tim McGraw came on.  Red Rag Top....so we did what we did .......the lyrics just finally reached me.  He’s talking about an abortion  At that very moment I thought of her.....I wondered if you really do what you do and try to forget.  I wondered if you ever really do forget.  I think it’s true that if you wonder to much about what might have been you’ll drive yourself crazy. 

I’ve been divorced and remarried.  I have had a child with a man I wasn’t married to.  I tend to walk down memory lane sometimes and wonder what I could have done different.  If I had made a different choice would my daughter know her father.  I didn’t make that choice.....he did.  Now it’s 14 years gone past....and maybe 14 years too late.  Who’s to say but her?

I talked to him last week and he’s still stuck in yester year.  You can’t undo what you have done....you can only begin anew today.  That lesson can’t be taught only realized. 

I’m happy in the life that I’ve been led to.  Not so happy about some of the decisions that I made along the way to get here.  However, Jesus paid for my sins and I try to do the best I know to do. 

Husband, Daughter, Son, Me.......I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Red Rag Top.....Tim McGraw

“So we did what we did and we tried to forget,

And we swore up and down there would be no regrets”

“Well you do what you do

And you pay for your sins

And there’s no such thing as

What might have been

That’s a waste of time

Drive you outta your mind”

More Coffee Please.....

It is too early in the morning to have any thoughts worthy of print.  My significant other hits the floor running when he awakens.  An hour and a half and 2 cups of coffee later I'm still trying to pry my eyelids open.  Trying to get geared up for another day of work and another day of life.  Thank God I have both to get ready for.  In our possible double dip recession I'm blessed to have them.

I try and follow the news when it comes to all this unemployment, recession, stock market falling, etc. but its too much.  I think I'm the average American.  I just want to go to work and earn my check.  What would I do with my day if I didn't have a job to go to?  I don't really know.  I can't give some clique answer that I would enjoy the simple things in life, spend more times with my kids, and work on things I never get to work on.  That's just naive, actually, in my opinion, just dumb.  You can't do anything in life without money and I don't do credit cards. 

I love when the news tries to make something look more horrible then it really it is.  There is a wreck on the major interstate this morning.  A bad wreck.  Two tractor trailers hit each other, caught on fire, and materials are all over the road.  The traffic is flowing behind the news girl and shes like well sometimes it backs up then its fine.  I'll find out in about 45 minutes when I go attack morning rush hour. 

Loving Someone

"And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries."

My rock feels pain and my island has a heart.  The words of Simon and Garfunkel are thought provoking but sad.  I heard this song for the first time on an easy listening radio station the other day.  It made me think of my husband and the relationship that we have.  He is my rock and he carries a heavy load. 

I've been in a fog lately.  Not really sure how to shake it off.  I can feel it lingering there.  Its like something just isn't clicking quite right in my mind.  My thoughts drift and its hard to focus on the task at hand.  Hence the marathon of Family Ties on Netflix today. 

Take a deep breath and try to concentrate.

You Know Me.....

A little over 14 years ago I met the father of my daughter.  Over the years we have talked off and on....most often when I get mad about something and call to figure out exactly what his problem is.  Two days ago was the first time I was actually able to speak like an adult to him.  I was able to put my hurt that I like to carry around on the back burner and be the bigger person.  (That is only by the grace of God). 

He said something to me that has been going over and over in my head.  "You know me "my name here".  That totally just threw me.  "No, I don't know you" was my response.  "You were a boy I knew 14 years ago and I'm not the same girl you knew".

It baffles me how some people stand still while others move forward.  We are both in our mid thirties.  I have had 3 careers, finished my degree, almost finished a Masters degree, been married, divorced, remarried and had three kids.  He still lives at home with his parents and has had multiple jobs here and there. 

I think we as women are forced to either move forward and make the best of things or sit still, struggle, and collect hand outs.  I chose to move forward.